Forget the Crystal Kingdom, Dora. Save the US Economy!
The long awaited night has come. My daughter is watching the new Dora the Explorer movie, "Dora Saves the Crystal Kingdom". Here's my outline for a better Dora movie.
Dora and Boots go to withdraw money from the ATM, only to find that their bank has failed. During the transition to FDIC control, the ATM is out of order. They talk about all the bank failures they've heard of recently and decide to save the economy.
So out comes Map and tells them to way to save the economy is "magic flute, production, economic bliss".
The magic flute is, of course, Pablo's flute that makes everything grow. So they track down Pablo and convince him to come to the States and help them out.
When they get to the border, immigration won't let Pablo in, so out comes backpack with something to help Pablo get in. The suggested items are a small airplane, a ladder, and a passport. They choose the ladder and use it to climb over the border wall. After a few perils, they get far enough into the country to get away from the "minute men".
They have the magic flute, but they don't know much about production. So first they go to the stock market. Pablo plays, stocks soar, the Dow breaks 20,000, and they say mission accomplished.
The next day, the bubble Pablo created bursts, the market crashes so hard it's unlikely ever to recover.
So they head to the treasury. Pablo plays, money grows out of the walls, furniture, etc. Pablo keeps playing till money bursts out into the streets and a big wind spreads it all over the country. They claim mission accomplished again.
The next day when the go to the store, the shelves are bare. They check a few more stores, and when the finally find one with stocked shelves, prices have increase by 27 times. The owners of all the other stores tell them that when they get more inventory, they'll be raising their prices by 30 times.
As they leave the store, they see people burning their retirement account documents to stay warm.
As they sadly walk down the street wondering what to do next, Pablo toots idly on his flute. Heartened by the magical music, all the people who'd fallen into idle hopelessness, start working again. And since there's no stock market, even former day traders, insider traders and gamblers (all the casinos have folded, BTW) start doing something productive. Soon real GDP is three times what it used to be, and prosperity is restored.
Dora, Boots and Pablo sing, "We did it. We did it. We did it. Hooray! We kicked the economy when it was down. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it! But then we motivated all the lazy clowns. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it!"
Finally, INS catches up with Pablo, confiscates his flute, sticks it in Warehouse 13, and deports him back to a life of poverty.